“Now listen, I’ve liked the lines you’ve written for me in the past, but this… this is overdoing it. I’ve dropped enough hints that the audience should be able to infer some of my worldview and motivations without having everything shoved down their throats. Even though I’m technically talking to myself, you made me subtler than that, didn’t you?”
Goddamn if he wasn’t right. To borrow one of the gambling metaphors he’s so fond of… he’s not going to lay all his cards on the table right now, even for us. Well, technically I can see his hand, but the point is I needed to resist blabbing about it too much. That would ruin the game. Also, it made me remember that it would be best to keep any metaphyscial murmurings on point, or for story purposes I’d be edging entirely too close to a boring character filibuster, or even a dreaded author filibuster born of being too damn excited with my own ideas. I still believed the scene itself was good, and would make for the nice reveal and the segue back to the ranch I wanted, but I mercilessly hacked away a lot of my pretty, pretty prose until that parallel portion of my brain nodded, took a thoughtful drag off his cigar and declared, “I can work with that.” It’s still got some ideas in there, delivered in the practiced rhythms of a smart man who has thought deeply about what he’s doing and why… but it’s far more economical, and in keeping with the character is hiding away at least as much as it reveals. I dialed things back, hopefully to that point where the story simmers with a promise of tasty things to come, rather than wrinkling noses with an uncontrolled burn. We’ll see how it cooks up.
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2 thoughts on “544 – Hanker For A Hunker”
Dr. Norman (not a real doctor)
That feels like my life with my eyes these days …
“These goggles don’t got no magnification on ’em”
Crazyman
“The bad news is, there’s a lot of them.” 👿