UPDATING OCCASIONALLY (FOR NOW)

9 thoughts on “558 – Cotton Clad Calamity”

  1. Raznaak

    Yup, he’s a bastard XD

  2. Dr. Norman (not a real doctor)

    Are those pajamas available in XXXL in the gift shop?

  3. Otaku

    It’s been a while, so let me ask: Did we get a reason for him to WANT Susie dead? Not to backseat, but if we didn’t, I’m worried were about to move into “Stupid Evil” territory. Now, stupid happens, don’t get me wrong. It’s not bad storytelling for that to be the case here.

    You’ve just done a good job NOT having that be a driving factor, so the “Kill off the stars of my successful reality TV show.” seems shortsighted, otherwise. Oh, I guess I could be mistaken about the in-story reality TV show’s success. Like, if the company behind them is losing money, or they think a change in management at the ranch would make the whole thing more popular/profitable, then I can see the above scenario happening as well.

    I REALLY think I’m just forgetting something important, but that I don’t have time to deep dive to remind me of, hence the comment. >_<

    1. Deoxy

      It certainly has been stretched out over quite a while, but there have definitely been hints from quite near the beginning that whoever is running the reality TV show definitely wants her dead.

      But I certainly don’t recall any reason why.

      1. Clint

        Yeah it’s fair to not remember since it’s been a hot minute (many, many minutes) but if you feel like a refresher the most relevant bits would be the beginning of Episode 8 and the end of Episode 15. We haven’t explicitly spelled out exactly what The Exec means by his “side hustle” or who was on the other end of that phone call, though.

        I’m hoping that when the whole thing is eventually available it will make sense, or at least enough sense to have hung this narrative on.

        1. Otaku

          Thanks for the replies, Deoxy and Clint. Yeah, I’d totally forgotten about those things. Good to know!

  4. Evervigilant

    Seems about time for the two people who aren’t there to make a surprise entrance as the ace Susie didn’t even know she had.

  5. Scarsdale

    There’s still 3-5 people on her side that might be planning something. This guy is a megalomaniac with a god complex, so letting him think he’s the sharpest tool in the shed sets him up for a fall. Everything depends on those cameras, and I suspect their little stop over by the charging coffins had something to do with her actual plan, not the one the a-hole thinks it is.

  6. lyra

    Really enjoyed the opening of Zombie Ranch. I like the combination of the western setting with the zombie concept, it gives the story a really distinctive atmosphere. I’m a freelance illustrator and animator, and I’d be interested in seeing how some of these scenes could translate into motion, especially as a short animated teaser or character scene.

    If you’re ever interested in something like that, you can reach me here:

    IG: eve_verse_
    Email: [contact.lilaclines@gmail.com](mailto:contact.lilaclines@gmail.com)
    Discord: Lyralilac_

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558 – Cotton Clad Calamity
Posted on August 26, 2026 by Dawn

What would you call this? Armchair assassination? Merk-from-home?

Well, Suzie ain't dead (or undead) quite yet, so we'll just have to see if his gloating is justifiable.

Hatari!

Posted on September 21, 2011 by Clint

I have a confession to make, and it’s that, despite my rambling on in recent weeks about the unique power and pacing of certain classic movies, I might never have seen this one were it not for my good friend (and Zombie Ranch enthusiast) Anthony. Even then it was almost accidental — Anthony just had a free evening where he wanted to hang out, and brought a random bag full of zombie and/or western films he thought we might enjoy. Several of his choices, I was pleased to note, I’d already viewed, but I quizzically noted that in the midst of the pile was the movie “Hatari“. Sure, it was directed by Howard Hawks. Sure, it starred John Wayne. But this was about an African safari in the 1960s, right? One of these things is not like the others.

I can be dense like that sometimes, so Anthony started explaining that it’s about a ragtag crew of Americans and Europeans who for one reason or another have ended up in Tanzania with a rather exotic and dangerous occupation: catching wild animals alive for delivery to the world’s zoos. Animals that include such terrifying four-legged juggernauts as the Rhinoceros and Cape Buffalo, and we’re not talking sticking tranquilizer darts in them from a safe distance, we’re talking chasing them down in a truck and putting a noose around the dang things, bringing them to ground with more ropes and shoving them into a transport crate.

A story of people going out every day to do a job that most of us would consider insanely dangerous and life-threatening? That clicked, so I set all the other choices aside and loaded the DVD. Anthony warned us, almost apologetically, that it was a long movie, and if we got bored at any time we could stop.

He shouldn’t have worried. “Hatari” has so much of a Zombie Ranch vibe to it I would almost accuse myself of plagiarism had I not known for a fact that last week was my first time watching. Perhaps that’s going to far since I’d be comparing our efforts to those of people like Howard Hawks, but there are similarities to the tone we try to achieve, such the elements of the exotic treated as mundane (the crew keeps a pet cheetah in the house), or the terrifying treated as “just part of the job”. The scenes at the headquarters they all share (dare I call it a ranch?) are often quiet character moments, and even the most pulse-pounding action sequence has a very natural, underproduced feel to it.

Of course, in this last element, “Hatari!” gleefully cheats, because every last lick of footage of the captures is shot on location, with the real actors, driving real vehicles, chasing down real wild animals. This is a movie you just could not make today, not just because of the “no animals were harmed” prohibitions but because studio execs would blow every blood vessel in their heads at the sight of John Wayne (or their equivalent cash cow star) standing three feet from an ill-secured, thrashing Rhinoceros… which, by the way, got loose the first time and had to be chased down *again*. Hawks kept the footage of all that because it just seemed like such a natural moment… probably because it WAS a natural moment. About the only thing they edited was dubbing over all of the Duke’s non-stop swearing.

So yes, I’d say the chase sequences in “Hatari!” are pretty damned close to our concept of reality television. It will also bring home to you just how lacking in immediacy even the best CGI sequences of modern cinema are, when you witness a Cape Buffalo repeatedly ramming the side of a speeding jeep, throwing actors covered in dust and sweat around in their seats, and are acutely aware that this moment is all very, very real. I don’t fault the Duke for swearing. I was swearing just watching it happen on my television, despite it being something filmed 50 years ago and ten thousand miles away.

In fact, I could almost go so far as to say this is my whole “bits of nothing” premise from last week applied to action sequences. That’s a weird thing to say, perhaps, but again it’s all through the lens of it being moments we unconsciously recognize… maybe not in the sense that we’ve ever chased down giraffes, but I’d wager a lot of us have been in or at least witnessed car accidents, and because of that know the sudden randomness and shock, and even meaninglessness, that real violence entails.

I overthink things, I know. But this stuff had me on the edge of my couch, I guess because I knew, and felt, that the stakes were high.

Again, in a way it’s certainly cheating. “Hatari!” is a film where they got all these chases on camera first, then wrangled a script together and made a movie out of it, filming a story to connect the dots. They hired the ever amazing Henry Mancini to provide the score (this is the movie where the famous “Baby Elephant Walk” first debuted), and got John Wayne, Red Buttons, and a nicely rounded international cast of supporting characters together to spin an unhurried tale of a unique time, place, and especially occupation. A near three hour runtime passes by with deceptive ease, and even if the ending is a bit contrived, it’s the journey that makes it well worth watching.