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9 thoughts on “558 – Cotton Clad Calamity”

  1. Raznaak

    Yup, he’s a bastard XD

  2. Dr. Norman (not a real doctor)

    Are those pajamas available in XXXL in the gift shop?

  3. Otaku

    It’s been a while, so let me ask: Did we get a reason for him to WANT Susie dead? Not to backseat, but if we didn’t, I’m worried were about to move into “Stupid Evil” territory. Now, stupid happens, don’t get me wrong. It’s not bad storytelling for that to be the case here.

    You’ve just done a good job NOT having that be a driving factor, so the “Kill off the stars of my successful reality TV show.” seems shortsighted, otherwise. Oh, I guess I could be mistaken about the in-story reality TV show’s success. Like, if the company behind them is losing money, or they think a change in management at the ranch would make the whole thing more popular/profitable, then I can see the above scenario happening as well.

    I REALLY think I’m just forgetting something important, but that I don’t have time to deep dive to remind me of, hence the comment. >_<

    1. Deoxy

      It certainly has been stretched out over quite a while, but there have definitely been hints from quite near the beginning that whoever is running the reality TV show definitely wants her dead.

      But I certainly don’t recall any reason why.

      1. Clint

        Yeah it’s fair to not remember since it’s been a hot minute (many, many minutes) but if you feel like a refresher the most relevant bits would be the beginning of Episode 8 and the end of Episode 15. We haven’t explicitly spelled out exactly what The Exec means by his “side hustle” or who was on the other end of that phone call, though.

        I’m hoping that when the whole thing is eventually available it will make sense, or at least enough sense to have hung this narrative on.

        1. Otaku

          Thanks for the replies, Deoxy and Clint. Yeah, I’d totally forgotten about those things. Good to know!

  4. Evervigilant

    Seems about time for the two people who aren’t there to make a surprise entrance as the ace Susie didn’t even know she had.

  5. Scarsdale

    There’s still 3-5 people on her side that might be planning something. This guy is a megalomaniac with a god complex, so letting him think he’s the sharpest tool in the shed sets him up for a fall. Everything depends on those cameras, and I suspect their little stop over by the charging coffins had something to do with her actual plan, not the one the a-hole thinks it is.

  6. lyra

    Really enjoyed the opening of Zombie Ranch. I like the combination of the western setting with the zombie concept, it gives the story a really distinctive atmosphere. I’m a freelance illustrator and animator, and I’d be interested in seeing how some of these scenes could translate into motion, especially as a short animated teaser or character scene.

    If you’re ever interested in something like that, you can reach me here:

    IG: eve_verse_
    Email: [contact.lilaclines@gmail.com](mailto:contact.lilaclines@gmail.com)
    Discord: Lyralilac_

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558 – Cotton Clad Calamity
Posted on August 26, 2026 by Dawn

What would you call this? Armchair assassination? Merk-from-home?

Well, Suzie ain't dead (or undead) quite yet, so we'll just have to see if his gloating is justifiable.

This stuff’ll kill ya…

Posted on May 12, 2010 by Clint

Zombie Ranch owes its inspiration to many sources, not the least of which was that weird picture Dawn drew in the wee hours of the morning in July 2009.

But that was just the beginning. When I started thinking about making a story out of people ranching zombies, there was a lot more that had to percolate together, and one of the conceptual debts I owe is to the various “dangerous jobs” reality TV programs that have cropped up in recent years. In particular, there’s the one that Uncle Chuck is hearkening back to in this week’s comic, a Discovery Channel series entitled Deadliest Catch.

Deadliest Catch follows the crews of several fishing boats that make a living by fishing up Alaskan King Crab and Opilio Crab in the waters of the Bering Straits off Alaska. They are often doing this (or at least attempting to) in conditions that are… not so good. “Suicidal” might even come to mind, given a combination of heavy equipment, fatigue, and an often storm-tossed, frigid ocean where your life expectancy is measured in seconds should you go overboard. That “one death per week” statistic isn’t something Chuck is misremembering or exaggerating, it comes right from the first season of the show. In fact, the show probably wouldn’t exist except for someone noticing the fact that the fatality and casualty rates for Alaskan crab fishing were far and away the highest in the United States. Police? Firemen? Test pilots? Nothing compared to trying to entice a bunch of arthopods into an 800-pound steel trap while huge waves are slapping your boat sideways.

It all sounds incredibly dramatic, and it can be, but partially because the whole situation is in such contrast to the matter-of-factness of the men involved. To them, it’s just their job, and even grief for the death of a friend or relative comes with a sort of stoic acceptance you’d see in wartime soldiers. It’s a strange world to watch, but on the other hand it’s entirely real. These crews and their ancestors were living this life long before anyone thought to put a camera in their faces. They’re cowboys of the sea, and lest you think I’m stretching to make that comparison: Alaskan crews call their new members “greenhorns”, and the theme song for Deadliest Catch is Bon Jovi’s “Wanted: Dead or Alive”.

Also, I give honorable mention to Mike Rowe’s Dirty Jobs, another great series dealing with the presentation of real people who make a living performing disgusting and/or bizarre trades. I’m particularly fond of the episode where Mike goes to visit the Ostrich wranglers. Mike doesn’t have the benefit of remote control camera drones, you see, and spends the entire time utterly (and justifiably) terrified of these gigantic birds that could lay him open with a single kick. On the other hand, the guys who run the ranch have absolutely no fear and just wade in, grab them by the neck and wrangle ’em nice as you please, while Mike asides to the camera that the men doing this are completely out of their minds.

Sort of sounds like the opinions a Safe Zone denizen would have of zombie ranchers, doesn’t it? Yes, it does. So anytime someone comes up to me and tells me no one would be crazy enough to wrangle zombies for a living, even in a weird, wild West of the future, I can just grin and point them to the Discovery channel of our present day. After all, if it weren’t for the fact the Alaskan crab market collapsed with the apocalypse, zombie ranching might still be only #2 on the list of risky occupations!